When I allow myself to be in coffee shops
Without my music and sense of sameness
I allow the world to enter me
In many nonconsensual ways
I feel the fear of the barista, perhaps a tough relationship with her boss
Or maybe tension around making her rent
I feel the little boy's boredom
Shoved in a corner while the adults talk
I see the disappointment on a first date and all of a sudden it's mine
And I too am disappointed, but with my delicious meal
And the music, so often a yearning quality, gets into my mind
And soon I have 8 legs and 2 stomachs
And I want all sorts of things that I have no need for
​
But I often forget to bring my headphones
And my phone is almost dead
As is the nature of ADHD
So a coffee shop is rarely a sweet moment, the beautiful threesome of tea, computer and person.
But a cacophony of feelings and needs
None of which are my own

Perhaps tomorrow
I will tuck my earbuds into my bag
And find them by surprise when sitting down in a coffee shop
But that doesn't seem to be the kind of person I'm growing into. 

I created a place
Sunny and bright
Tea parties and play dates
Then it all went awry

But I must leave this place
As I made it up
I must chuck it all
And finally grow up

I need to see the spiders
Crawling across teddybears
I need to see the virus
That's corrupted everywhere

I need to leave the valley
Of rainbows and fun
To begin the journey
As the only one

I must crossover the stone bridge
And go beyond the hills
I need to go now
Before I take ill

I will get to the tundra
I will accept its flat plains
I will make myself a cabin
From whence I will reign.

I let go of foolish plights
A safe feeling with others
Bike rides at midnight
And easy bake ovens

I've been gifted with the sight
To end a million lives
Or bring humanity to a place
Where it can finally thrive

My choices are few
Now that I understand
All new puppies and baby goats
I must make by hand

I will fill this valley
With kindness and light
And from here
A fresh civilization

May it never know my plight. 

Something magical about ADHD and Autism (myself being diagnosed with both) is that some part of us stays way more childlike than your average person into our elder years. Something playful lingers in us way beyond its expected death from bills, disappointments, and tragedies. It can often be seen in the mischievous glimmer in our eyes, the fact that most people guess we're younger than we are, or in our uncontrolled glee at tiny things when no one is looking.

We have trouble focusing on what we need to sometimes, yes, but much of the time we are actually fixated on a beautiful little moment the world is missing from all its seriousness; light dancing on water, a new way to combine ingredients, or the fascinating book someone across the room is reading. We may not be watching the clock, as ADHDers are often late for everything, but we are watching. 

One of the glorious moments of childlike freedom for me was two weeks ago when I discovered an extremely beautiful treehouse made with

Today I spent an hour and a half in the bookstore looking at agendas. Not to buy one, since my planner is still good until January. But to start the process of looking at my options. It's good to have a four-month lead.

Choosing an agenda is an important decision. It's something I'm going to look at every day (dozens of times per day) for a year. It can shape my mood, can put me into a certain head-space, or can be filled with quotes or questions to contemplate each week.

Guest Author:
Jennifer Scott knows how difficult it can be to live with anxiety and depression. She has experienced both since she was in her teens. Today, she writes about the ups and downs of her mental illness on SpiritFinder.org. The blog serves as both a source of information for people with mental illness and a forum where those living with anxiety and depression can come together to discuss their experiences.

Bipolar disorder affects millions of people in the world., but many sufferers go un-diagnosed because of their age or because they have another mood or developmental disorder which masks it. It is especially difficult to diagnose in children, because young people who have not reached maturity don’t show the distinct emotional cycle that adults who have been diagnosed with the disorder do. This cycle can range from mania to anxiety to depression and can include bouts of rage or violence.

Much has been studied regarding the link between bipolar disorder and Asperger’s syndrome, which have very similar symptoms (one can also be diagnosed with both). Those diagnosed with Asperger’s/ASD generally have problems with processing stimuli in social settings and can become obsessed with a particular topic, which they may be vocal about despite issues with language. People suffering from bipolar disorder may also become obsessed with a singular passion--such as art or music--but will often close themselves off from other people while they work on it. They will enter what is called a hypomania phase, which gives them a positive, energetic feeling while they are being creative. The difficult part is when that feeling begins to fade, and they are left with doubts about themselves and their passion. This can in turn lead to depression or violent episodes.