When I allow myself to be in coffee shops
Without my music and sense of sameness
I allow the world to enter me
In many nonconsensual ways
I feel the fear of the barista, perhaps a tough relationship with her boss
Or maybe tension around making her rent
I feel the little boy's boredom
Shoved in a corner while the adults talk
I see the disappointment on a first date and all of a sudden it's mine
And I too am disappointed, but with my delicious meal
And the music, so often a yearning quality, gets into my mind
And soon I have 8 legs and 2 stomachs
And I want all sorts of things that I have no need for
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But I often forget to bring my headphones
And my phone is almost dead
As is the nature of ADHD
So a coffee shop is rarely a sweet moment, the beautiful threesome of tea, computer and person.
But a cacophony of feelings and needs
None of which are my own

Perhaps tomorrow
I will tuck my earbuds into my bag
And find them by surprise when sitting down in a coffee shop
But that doesn't seem to be the kind of person I'm growing into. 

I created a place
Sunny and bright
Tea parties and play dates
Then it all went awry

But I must leave this place
As I made it up
I must chuck it all
And finally grow up

I need to see the spiders
Crawling across teddybears
I need to see the virus
That's corrupted everywhere

I need to leave the valley
Of rainbows and fun
To begin the journey
As the only one

I must crossover the stone bridge
And go beyond the hills
I need to go now
Before I take ill

I will get to the tundra
I will accept its flat plains
I will make myself a cabin
From whence I will reign.

I let go of foolish plights
A safe feeling with others
Bike rides at midnight
And easy bake ovens

I've been gifted with the sight
To end a million lives
Or bring humanity to a place
Where it can finally thrive

My choices are few
Now that I understand
All new puppies and baby goats
I must make by hand

I will fill this valley
With kindness and light
And from here
A fresh civilization

May it never know my plight.