When I allow myself to be in coffee shops
Without my music and sense of sameness
I allow the world to enter me
In many nonconsensual ways
I feel the fear of the barista, perhaps a tough relationship with her boss
Or maybe tension around making her rent
I feel the little boy's boredom
Shoved in a corner while the adults talk
I see the disappointment on a first date and all of a sudden it's mine
And I too am disappointed, but with my delicious meal
And the music, so often a yearning quality, gets into my mind
And soon I have 8 legs and 2 stomachs
And I want all sorts of things that I have no need for
​
But I often forget to bring my headphones
And my phone is almost dead
As is the nature of ADHD
So a coffee shop is rarely a sweet moment, the beautiful threesome of tea, computer and person.
But a cacophony of feelings and needs
None of which are my own

Perhaps tomorrow
I will tuck my earbuds into my bag
And find them by surprise when sitting down in a coffee shop
But that doesn't seem to be the kind of person I'm growing into. 

I created a place
Sunny and bright
Tea parties and play dates
Then it all went awry

But I must leave this place
As I made it up
I must chuck it all
And finally grow up

I need to see the spiders
Crawling across teddybears
I need to see the virus
That's corrupted everywhere

I need to leave the valley
Of rainbows and fun
To begin the journey
As the only one

I must crossover the stone bridge
And go beyond the hills
I need to go now
Before I take ill

I will get to the tundra
I will accept its flat plains
I will make myself a cabin
From whence I will reign.

I let go of foolish plights
A safe feeling with others
Bike rides at midnight
And easy bake ovens

I've been gifted with the sight
To end a million lives
Or bring humanity to a place
Where it can finally thrive

My choices are few
Now that I understand
All new puppies and baby goats
I must make by hand

I will fill this valley
With kindness and light
And from here
A fresh civilization

May it never know my plight. 

Something magical about ADHD and Autism (myself being diagnosed with both) is that some part of us stays way more childlike than your average person into our elder years. Something playful lingers in us way beyond its expected death from bills, disappointments, and tragedies. It can often be seen in the mischievous glimmer in our eyes, the fact that most people guess we're younger than we are, or in our uncontrolled glee at tiny things when no one is looking.

We have trouble focusing on what we need to sometimes, yes, but much of the time we are actually fixated on a beautiful little moment the world is missing from all its seriousness; light dancing on water, a new way to combine ingredients, or the fascinating book someone across the room is reading. We may not be watching the clock, as ADHDers are often late for everything, but we are watching. 

One of the glorious moments of childlike freedom for me was two weeks ago when I discovered an extremely beautiful treehouse made with

​great care hidden in the woods. It was artistic and blended seamlessly with its environment. And it was also all I could think about since I found it. I went back twice and it was still there, gleaming in the sunlight, filled with magical mysteries and potential. I was just so taken by the creator's vision, having the brilliant moment of inspiration to add shutters on the "windows" and two cans connected with a string to talk on its different levels (of which there were three that could be inhabited, the ground, main floor, and roof). There was also a front garden, delineated by expertly placed large branches all around for a fence. Small, homebuilt benches and ladders were placed all through the dwelling. Whoever had made this had put so much love into the place and I could sure feel it as I sat there marveling at the time and care they had put in. 

And this new fixation of mine is not unusual in ADHD & Autistic communities. Most of my Neurodivergent clients can tell me long, detailed tails about their favorite things, the same excitement gleaming in their eyes as they try to tell me everything about it without taking a breath. We are creatures of whimsy, curiosity, potential, and great emotion and I wish for a world where more of us, but also more neurotypicals, can stay connected to this endless energy source. It has been a deep pain for me to see the light in some client's eyes go out as the world crushes their dreams over and over and punishes them for their levity and takes advantage of their good natures. The next best painter may not ever release their work as they may have been told too many times that they're just goofing off, the next best astronomer may not discover a new planet we could inhabit if this one dies because they were told they had their head in the clouds too much and to get inside and do their homework. 

I wish for all of us that we lived in a world that embraced the innate curiosity and love of learning that exists in most of us before the world gets in the way; the part that looks at things we don't understand and just...wonders...rather than tears it down to try to maintain the illusion of order in the chaos we call life. Until then I'll be trying to keep my own spark of childhood glee alive and creating supportive spaces to protect and mend those who can still find joy in the most missable of things.

Alina Kislenko
Centre Founder
Neuroscience & Psych Professor (and proud Autistic & ADHDer) 

Today I spent an hour and a half in the bookstore looking at agendas. Not to buy one, since my planner is still good until January. But to start the process of looking at my options. It's good to have a four-month lead.

Choosing an agenda is an important decision. It's something I'm going to look at every day (dozens of times per day) for a year. It can shape my mood, can put me into a certain head-space, or can be filled with quotes or questions to contemplate each week.

Three looked particularly interesting. One is a planner for procrastinators. Each week
it asks questions such as: "What do I need to do that I can put off for a day, or two, or three...?" I think it's important to remind myself that I don't need to do everything so quickly -- or at least have a sense of humour about the fact that I probably won't do everything so quickly.

Another was very scientific and artistic, looking at astronomical, weather, flora and fauna effects throughout the year. It has beautiful fold-out timelines at the beginning that show the year in terms of star, planetary, sun and moon phases, plant and animal changes, and weather conditions. It also names each day -- not the common "Monday" or "Sunday", but days like "Eggplant" and "Freezetime". There are 365 date-names, each inspired by something happening at that time of year.

A third agenda was particularly beautiful, far more a book to read than practical holder of appointments. It had images of goddesses, stories and poems. It was so full of lovely things to look at and read. But I couldn't imagine keeping track of my meetings and to-do lists, squeezed between pages of writings and paintings.

What do you look at when planning your days? Is it on a screen, in your bag, or on your wall? (Or all of the above?) How does it make you feel to look at it?

By Lauren Stein MA

Guest Author:
Jennifer Scott knows how difficult it can be to live with anxiety and depression. She has experienced both since she was in her teens. Today, she writes about the ups and downs of her mental illness on SpiritFinder.org. The blog serves as both a source of information for people with mental illness and a forum where those living with anxiety and depression can come together to discuss their experiences.

Bipolar disorder affects millions of people in the world., but many sufferers go un-diagnosed because of their age or because they have another mood or developmental disorder which masks it. It is especially difficult to diagnose in children, because young people who have not reached maturity don’t show the distinct emotional cycle that adults who have been diagnosed with the disorder do. This cycle can range from mania to anxiety to depression and can include bouts of rage or violence.

Much has been studied regarding the link between bipolar disorder and Asperger’s syndrome, which have very similar symptoms (one can also be diagnosed with both). Those diagnosed with Asperger’s/ASD generally have problems with processing stimuli in social settings and can become obsessed with a particular topic, which they may be vocal about despite issues with language. People suffering from bipolar disorder may also become obsessed with a singular passion--such as art or music--but will often close themselves off from other people while they work on it. They will enter what is called a hypomania phase, which gives them a positive, energetic feeling while they are being creative. The difficult part is when that feeling begins to fade, and they are left with doubts about themselves and their passion. This can in turn lead to depression or violent episodes.

"The individual will become obsessed. They will no longer feel creative and start to feel aggravated, anxious and overwhelmed," says Dr. Kimberly Baker, who studies communication disorders. When it comes to Asperger’s, “Individuals can get engrossed in a particular topic. This can be confused with the creativity that sets in during the hypomania phase of the bipolar person. The big difference between Asperger's and bipolar is the manic stage. Individuals with Asperger's will always want to talk about their topic. They may not have that aggravation or anxiety associated with it, whereas someone in the manic stage might."

Because it’s so difficult to determine whether a young person has bipolar disorder or Asperger’s Syndrome, many doctors find that they have to closely monitor the child’s behavior for a year or more in order to watch for signs of emotion cycles. If the child becomes highly distracted, has trouble with speech or controlling emotions, becomes violent or engages in self-harm, more often than not bipolar disorder is diagnosed. However, everyday anxiety must be ruled out first.

Another concern is that, if the individual is aggressive or violent, those behaviors need to be addressed with medication before any therapy can begin.
"In coming years we are likely to develop better ways to define the mood problems of children. Nonetheless, childhood bipolar disorder is a real and serious illness that should be recognized and treated as early as possible," says Dr. Michael Miller, editor-in-chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter

It is estimated that about one-third of people who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder are also battling substance abuse. Because these things fuel one another, it can be difficult to sort out emotions and what triggers them, making disorders hard to treat. Those who are living with bipolar disorder or Asperger’s tend to have trouble in social settings, so they use drugs or alcohol to help ease their anxiety. Unfortunately, people with these disorders are more at risk for becoming addicted.

For bipolar disorder, the most recommended treatment is a combination of medication, individual counselling, and group therapy.